Parshat Vayechi records the end of Yaakov’s life with a poignant description of his last words to his sons. He appears to be about to deliver a prophecy regarding what will happen to them and their descendants: וַיֹּ֗אמֶר הֵאָֽסְפוּ֙ וְאַגִּ֣ידָה לָכֶ֔ם אֵ֛ת אֲשֶׁר־יִקְרָ֥א אֶתְכֶ֖ם בְּאַחֲרִ֥ית הַיָּמִֽים He said, “Gather together so I can tell you what will happen to you in the days to come.”
However, the actual content of what Yaakov says is more complicated. He alludes to incidents in their lives while looking at the past, reflects on their characters and individual gifts, and offers rebukeswhere necessary. His reflections on his sons are complex, but they are not straightforward prophetic predictions. The Daat Zekanim comments, based on Midrashic sources, that while Yaakov’s intention was to share predictions of the future, he knew this was not his role. Rather, כשראה יעקב כך הפליגן בדברים ואמר ראובן בכורי אתה; when Yaakov realized this, he pivoted and switched his focus to discussing each of his sons as individuals.
One lesson we can learn from this is that what people do, what natural gifts they have, and what their characters are like all play a role in determining their future. Nevertheless, we cannot predict the paths they will take from their previous behavior.
It can be very difficult to remember this. We may think that in the behavior of a first grader, the talents of a seventh grader, or the character of a tenth grader we see their future path. It is tempting, as parents or as teachers, to believe that we know where they are headed. But the complexity of Yaakov’s blessings and admonitions should cause us to pause. We cannot lean on prophetic insight, so our attitude towards the children we raise and educate needs to be one of humility. What will a student do if deeply challenged academically? We won’t know until we challenge them, doing so often and consistently. Is a student trustworthy? We can only develop trustworthiness by trusting them, and if our trust is broken, trusting them again.
For me, part of the power of Yaakov’s message to his children is that he is offering, fundamentally, blessingsto them. He is clear-eyed about who they are, what they have done, and what gifts and flaws each of them has. His honesty isn’t cruel; it is kind. He is offering them an honest assessment, and with that comes the potential for self-awareness. With self-awareness and honest self-assessment comes the possibility of different outcomes for the future. Clarity is empowering for the recipient when it is enveloped in love.
Raising and educating children requires this kind of loving honesty. We can take inspiration and strength from this week’s parsha, which serves as a model for how this may be done. | 