In this week’s parsha, Vayeishev, Yaakov gives his favorite son Yosef the famous multicolored coat. Consumed by jealousy, Yosef’s brothers throw him in a pit. At that moment, we think of Yosef almost as a nobody. Nobody important, no one who would ever accomplish anything in life, just a boy who bragged about his dreams. However, as it says in Psalm 118:22, אבן מאסו הבונים היתה לראש פינה The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.
Yosef became the foundation stone of the Jewish people and our history.
Yosef had two prophetic dreams in which his brothers and parents bowed down to him. This made his brothers and even his father angry for assuming that they would bow down. However, as we all know, that turned out to be true.
Rabbi Yehuda Appel wrote this week that it is never easy to give fair and equal treatment to all of your children. He shared an example of a rabbi who, at his son’s shalom zachor, was told by a Sephardi mystic that his newborn son showed the signs of being a great genius and would go on to be a scholar and leader of Torah. A few years later his son is still young, but in fact he has proven to be a genius. His father can’t help but wonder whether that prophecy was true.
The Midrash says that from the moment of Yosef’s birth, Yaakov felt that his child was very special and had much chein, grace from Hashem. Of course, Yosef was the firstborn son of Yaakov’s beloved wife Rachel. Even while Yaakov chastises Yosef in public for sharing his dreams, the Torah explains that Yaakov “guarded the matter.” Rashi explains this to mean that in his innermost heart, Yaakov expected these dreams to come true.
This brings us to a very important question. Should a parent expect different things from different children, without favoring one over the other? Can a teacher believe that one student has more academic potential, while another has more chein? One could become a great leader, and the other could become a great peacemaker. We do not do our children any favors if we expect them all to be the same. There is beauty and power in each of them.
Our job as parents and as teachers is not to see children as identical. We should learn from Yaakov’s example and be careful not to favor one over the other. Treasuring the unique and different potential of each child is what will help them grow, achieve, and become all they can be.
Shabbat shalom! | 