Which do you think is harder, to feel someone else's pain or to share their joy? If you've ever danced at a friend's wedding or, lo alienu, sat with a friend sitting shiva, you know what it is like to feel something based on the relationship you have with that person. Even if we can never fully experience what another is feeling, we can imagine what they are going through and experience our own emotions based on the fact that we care about them. In psychology this is referred to as "social perspective taking." And in Parshat Shemot we have examples of both feeling someone's pain and experiencing their joy.
Moshe Rabbeinu grows up in the palace. But one day he notices others less fortunate than himself. And unlike most people, he chooses to be an upstander rather than a bystander (Shemot 2:11-12):
וַיְהִי בַּיָּמִים הָהֵם וַיִּגְדַּל מֹשֶׁה וַיֵּצֵא אֶל אֶחָיו וַיַּרְא בְּסִבְלֹתָם וַיַּרְא אִישׁ מִצְרִי מַכֶּה אִישׁ עִבְרִי מֵאֶחָיו׃ וַיִּפֶן כֹּה וָכֹה וַיַּרְא כִּי אֵין אִישׁ וַיַּךְ אֶת־הַמִּצְרִי וַיִּטְמְנֵהוּ בַּחוֹל
Some time after that, when Moses had grown up, he went out to his kinsfolk and witnessed their labors. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his kinsmen. He turned this way and that and, seeing no one about, he struck down the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.
Quoting the Midrash, Rashi explains the words וַיַּרְא בְּסִבְלֹתָם: He set his eyes and mind to share in their distress - נָתַן עֵינָיו וְלִבּוֹ לִהְיוֹת מֵצֵר עֲלֵיהֶם.
Most of us, when we walk into a room, think of our own needs and comfort. Moshe would walk into a room and look around to see who needed help. Indeed, the Midrash (Shemot Rabbah 2:2) tells us that Moshe was chosen to lead after Hashem saw the way he cared for his flock of sheep, even carrying them on his shoulders when they were exhausted.
Where did Moshe learn this behavior? Perhaps from Bat Pharaoh, who saw a baby in distress floating in a basket and saved his life. Perhaps from his older sister Miriam, who followed the basket down the river to see what would happen to him. Or perhaps from his older brother Aharon, who cried for his baby brother (Shemot 2:6):
וַתִּפְתַּח וַתִּרְאֵהוּ אֶת הַיֶּלֶד וְהִנֵּה נַעַר בֹּכֶה וַתַּחְמֹל עָלָיו וַתֹּאמֶר מִיַּלְדֵי הָעִבְרִים זֶה
When she opened it, she saw that it was a child, a boy crying. She took pity on it and said, "This must be a Hebrew child."
The Baal HaTurim (Shemot 2:6) notes the shift from the word יֶּלֶד(young child) to נַעַר (older child), and comments:
זה אהרן שהניחתו אצל התיבה. נער בכה. בגי'. זה אהרן הכהן
This refers to Aharon, for his mother placed him near the wicker basket. In gematria, "a youth was crying" is equivalent to "this is Aharon HaKohen."
Aharon was crying over his baby brother. He felt his pain. And later in the parsha (Shemot 4:14), he rejoices over Moshe's return. Moshe worries that his older brother Aharon will resent him for being appointed leader, but Hashem reassures Moshe that Aharon will be happy for him: וְרָאֲךָ וְשָׂמַח בְּלִבּו - He will see you and feel joy in his heart.
There is a beautiful Midrash (Ruth Rabbah 5:6) that comments on this pasuk and says there are three people that, had they known their actions would have been recorded, would have done so much more. If he could do it all over again, Reuven, who saves Yosef from their brothers, would have carried him home on his shoulders. Boaz, had he realized that King David and Mashiach would eventually come from Ruth, would have given her even more. And Aharon, had he known that simply being happy for Moshe would convince Moshe to lead the Jewish people out of Egypt, would have greeted him with drums and dances.
We don't always realize the impact of our actions. Sometimes something as simple as trying to feel another person's pain or joy can make all the difference to them. I don't know which one is harder, to feel someone else's pain or to share their joy. But I am grateful to have grown up in a home, a community, and a school that taught me to try my best to do so.
