There are different metaphors that Chazal use to describe our relationship with G-d, which can be found throughout our liturgy (e.g. father and child, Avinu; king and servant, Malkeinu; older brother and younger sister, see the Piyut “Achot Ketana”), but the relationship of husband and wife – which originates from the transformative event of the giving of the Torah in this week’s parsha – is uniquely precarious compared to those other relationships.
Yirmiyahu says אָכֵ֛ן בָּֽגְדָ֥ה אִשָּׁ֖ה מֵֽרֵעָ֑הּ כֵּ֣ן בְּגַדְתֶּ֥ם בִּ֛י בֵּ֥ית יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל נְאֻם־הֹ, “Truly, as a woman betrays her beloved, so have you betrayed Me, O house of Israel, says the L-rd.” Yet Chazal emphasize that this relationship is the one that is manifested at the time of the giving of the Torah.
As it says in the last Mishnah of Masechet Ta’anit, “Go forth, daughters of Zion, and gaze upon King Solomon, upon the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, and on the day of the gladness of his heart.” The “day of his wedding” is the giving of the Torah.
There are some Sephardic communities that recite Israel Najara’s piyut, known as the ketubah l’chag ha’Shavuot, immediately before the Torah reading on the morning of Shavuot which explicitly compares the Torah to a ketubah, with B’nei Yisrael as the bride and G-d as the husband.
How can we develop this relationship on a daily basis? In their book The Good Marriage: How & Why Love Lasts, Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee describe many types of marriages, such as The Rescue Marriage, The Traditional Marriage, The Romantic Marriage, and The Renegotiating Marriage. While examining many marriages over several years, the authors discovered that it is possible for a couple to go through various stages of marriage until they find the one that best suits them. And in order for any of them to succeed, each person must make the decision to wake up every morning with the desire to be married to the other person.
So too with each and every Jew. As the Kotzker Rebbe once observed about chag haShavuot, it is zman matan Torateinu (the time of the giving of our Torah), not zman kabbalat Torateinu (the time of our receiving of our Torah). The giving of our Torah was a one-time event, whereas the receiving of our Torah is an ongoing, daily event.
As a nation we have traversed many different types of “marriage” with HaKadosh Baruch Hu, and each of us has a different way of maintaining that meaningful relationship. For many, it is the study of halacha or Tanach; for others, the immersive experience of chesed, tzedakah, or tefillah; for yet others, being able to fulfill mitzvot in Eretz Yisrael. And then there are the rare few who combine all of these into their constant devotion to G-d. But the one core element that binds our relationships is the Torah that G-d lovingly gave us.
The Rambam stresses this point in his Mishneh Torah (Hilchot Teshuva 10:6): "It is known and clear that the love of G-d is not bound up in a person’s heart until he meditates on it properly at all times and will abandon everything in the world except for it, as He commanded and said – 'With all your heart and with all your soul' – but with knowledge he shall know Him. And according to the knowledge, so the love: If there is little (knowledge), there will be little (love); if there is much (knowledge), then there will be much (love). Therefore a person must direct himself to understand and plumb the spheres of wisdom and insight that tell him about his Maker, in accordance with the power that a person has to understand and to conceive of it, as we explained in the laws of the foundations of the Torah."
Some have compared the Torah to G-d’s diary or journal. As one of the many teachers at Maimonides who use journaling in the classroom to encourage students to engage with their learning in a more personal way, I believe that studying Torah in a thoughtful, methodical manner helps us to engage with G-d in a more meaningful and intimate way, which over time will solidify our relationship with G-d. |